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R.I.P. Dad...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by drummerfc, Feb 17, 2011.

    drummerfc guest

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    Dear all...

    I realize that this may not be the correct forum for this, and I apologize sincerely and profusely to all of you, my fellow CCA members, for where I'm about to go right now...

    ...but - it's 3:50 am EST on Thursday morning, February 17th, 2011...and my father literally just passed away about 2 hours ago after a fairly long battle with liver cancer. And as I sat there staring into space with an extremely heavy heart, 3 equally sad brothers and a very broken mother, I realize I have some things to vent. Since the computer will let me vent unencumbered, and won't talk back, I'm afraid I have to dump my feelings here. So please indulge me for a few lines if you would...

    Dad was a fairly simple man...for him it was all about family. He was the extremely proud father to 4 of us, a devoted father-in-law to our lovely wives, and a loving grandfather of 11 children (10 living), and he doted faithfully on every single one of them. I realize that many of you may have gotten your car "jones" and your affinity to drive BMWs from your fathers - I, on the other hand, am a car guy in spite of my father. Dad drove whatever got him from point A to point B..."Frank, it's just transportation" he would routinely say when our discussions would turn to cars. He never understood or "got" why I had to spend my hard-earned money for the priviledge to be behind the wheel of an expensive to fix German road machine. He often scoffed at my love for cars and the amount of time I spent washing and cleaning my rides.

    However, at the end of the day, that never mattered to me. I had my cars - and I had my dad. We'd agree to disagree and go about our lives knowing we would always be there for one another. And I thank God for that. I loved my father dearly and I will miss him terribly. He taught me many things in my 52 years on this earth...most notably, that the things that make a man aren't those that roll on 4 wheels or look good with a shiny wax and wet tires. I may drive around in a BMW - but I'm only as good as what's inside of me and how I live my life...how I treat my family...how I treat the man or lady I meet on the street...how I handle adversity...without character in those areas my car is but an empty shell - as am I.

    So - here's to my Father. The man who bore me, raised me, provided for me, tried to teach me right from wrong, set me free and let me learn about life the hard way. He may not have been a car afficianado...but in my humble opinion, he "got from point A to point B" in much better style than I could ever hope or wish to. May he rest in peace and continue to be as much of an inspiration in death as he was in life. I LOVE YOU FOREVER, DAD!!!

    Thanks to all who got this far and stayed with me...I really appreciate it!

    M3Driver guest

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    Condolences to you, brother.

    Lost my dad in 2005 and miss him every day and still find myself talking to him sometime when I have potentially pesky problem I need to solve ; "Hey Dad, what would you do...?" Being an only child (adopted too), made it a bit more difficult to me.

    It doesn't get easier through the years, but it does get easier to deal with.

    Take care, bro...
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    Deutsch Marques

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    You have my condolences. I'm sorry for your loss.
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    Well said. I lost my own dad back in October. He wasn't exactly a full-bore 'car guy' either, but with a house full of young motorheads (Hey, it was the Sixties!), we kinda' sucked him into it. He built what we now know as "Clem's Garage" that was more of a neighborhood gathering place than just a 24'x30' two-car garage in that quiet residential neighborhood. I am deeply sorry your dad suffered this dread disease. I was lucky. Dad had some health problems, but on the night he left us, he was feeling good and there were no signs he wouldn't be there in the morning. Maybe he can convince yours that it really IS more than just transportation. ;)
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    Brian A

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    Condolences on the loss of your Dad.

    I look out my window to reflect on your words, and there, right before me is a big rainbow at sunrise. Shock. It is though it is asking me, how do I let your father's story inspire me to make the best of this gift of yet another day?

    Thank you for sharing.

    • Member


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    My condolences on the death of your Father,

    While you are now grieving over your loss, these points in our lives are the reminders that all is temporary and most material cares are pretty silly. Enjoy the moment and appreciate the laughs. All we can do is try to leave good memories for our family and friends.


    cwbiii guest

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    Some things for your future... I lost mine 20+ years ago and still miss him occasionally. I'm only a few years older than you. Here's a few observations;
    These events usually bring on mid-life crisis shortly thereafter so to be for-warned is to be prepared. They may trigger another if one has been had already. This will affect all of your siblings. Pay close attention to your mom... it's really hard on her. She loves her children but she will miss her soul mate. Don't let her push those close to her away, that's a dark hole for her to dig out of. Keep her busy and engaged.
    Grieve, don't hold it in.

    My Condolences and best regards,

    • Member


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    Sorry to hear of the loss of your father Frank, hang in there, my deepest condolences to you and your family!

    Autohaus guest

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    Frank, I am deeply sorry for the loss of your father. The way that you have described your father matches my father to a T. Just think that whenever you are driving alone, your father is right next to you in the passenger seat.
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    Satch SoSoCalifortified

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    Thanks, Frank

    Your memorial is a testament to the way you were raised. Thank you for sharing your emotions with your wider family, and for allowing us a small part of your celebration of your father.

    I cannot imagine such a loss.
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    You have my heartfelt condolences and empathy...my father died over 25 years ago, while still quite young. Thanks for sharing your story and cherish those memories--they do make the adjustment easier.
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    I'm really sorry to hear that, my grandma died of cancer too

    marcom guest

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    i am so sorry to hear of your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family

    drummerfc guest

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    Thanks to all for the kind words...


    I wanted to pass along my heartfelt thanks to those of you who took the time to offer condolences for the passing of my Dad, and also those who shared experiences of your own fathers' lives or in some cases, their passing. Your kind and caring words and thoughts truly helped me get through the whole ordeal.

    It's funny - in my original post I wrote about how I became a car nut in spite of my Dad. However, as we looked at the many pictures we all have documenting 78 years of his life, I came across several pics of him and my Mom and me, standing next to a beautiful 1956 Belair coupe! And, as I explore my memory bank, my mental pictures of that car are still quite clear after all - Gold colored car with white trim, wide whitewalls which were the order of the day, and a Continental kit on the back. I guess I underestimated Dad's car jones...he always liked cars but he shelved his love for them in lieu of his love for family.

    We said goodbye to Dad for good yesterday. And while that was extremely difficult for me and my family, it was a amazing to see how many people who called, or wrote, or stopped by to visit, or brought food or other items, and who came to pay their last respects to him as well. It was truly a testament to the life Dad left, the many people he affected and the type of impact he had on our lives. He was Dad, Pop-Pop, Husband, Brother, Friend, Father-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, many many things to many people. And at the end of the day, that's what it's really all about.

    God-speed, Dad...

    ...and again - thanks to all here for the patience and latitude afforded to me, that would enable me to write in a car club website about something not at all related to cars (at least, not directly).
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    Satch SoSoCalifortified

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    Nononono---thank YOU!

    As long as I've been associated with this passel of varmints, people have muttered the same platitudes: "It's not about the cars, it's about the people!"

    And I'll be danged if that hasn't turned out to be true, time and time again.

    Michgndr89 guest

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    drummerdude, I just managed to skid across this thread (you need a car reference, you got it).

    My sincerest sympathies for your loss. I can certainly understand the sentiment, but haven't experienced the same. I dread the day either of my parents passes. I don't think I'll handle it well at all.

    I start a new job Monday in large part due to my desire to be nearer my parents as they grower older. They're not old, really, and my dad the math teacher likes to remind me that proportinally, I'm catching him.

    Anyway, I digress. Remain thankful that you had your dad for the years you had him. Far too many others never had the good fortune for one reason or another.

    Now go hug your mom like a good son.

    drummerfc guest

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    Thanks man...much appreciated.

    And, you'd be surprised how well the human spirit acts and reacts in time of loss, tragedy, and need. If you are close to your parents (and judging by your comments I'll assume you are), it will indeed hurt - but you will help the dying one in whatever way you can, you will cherish the memories you made and the times you had with them...and you'll be there for whatever one survives. If there's a positive part of this situation, it is this.

    Yes, my brothers and I are indeed lucky men. We had a good man to use as a role model. We are indeed thankful for everything he did for us.

    Trust me...been there, done that...and continuing to do so!

    Thanks again...
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    Thanks for sharing your story with everyone! Your thoughts and emotions were very heart filled indeed and really touched my heart. I lost my dad almost 25 years ago myself and I can only image how hard it must be to loose him after having the opportunity to have spent a much greater time frame with him than was I was given as well the chance to really get to know "him". You are definitely a true example of the wonderful person your father was as he has left that gift behind for all of us to experience in you! My condolences to you and you family. ((((Hugs)))

    drummerfc guest

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    Wow...thanks so much!! I'm actually speechless right now...and that doesn't happen often.

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