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"Only A One Series" by Mrs. Bee (a tale of a dumbass)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by mrsbee, Jul 11, 2012.

    • Member

    mrsbee

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    Only a One Series?!?!?
    Thick skin has never been anything that I can boast about, quite the opposite actually. Almost like a reed in the wind I can bend and break and just about any sort of snide remark or feedback. I've been diagnosed with a multitude of mental "quirks" and almost like a curse. I've always been this way, I suppose it could be the my mother hated me and my father was never there (wah wah wah, sob story). This isn't the time or place to whine about family issues or failed therapy attempts.
    This is a place for cars and such, correct?
    Fade in, me sitting in my therapists office, thinking "I hate this woman, why won't she shut up". She was the worst therapist ever, especially for my ailment, Anorexia nervosa, it about killed me, and it didn't help she was a very large woman that seemed to eat onions with every meal...I mean heck walking into her office conjured up odors that I could only imagine come out of the back seat floorboards of people that live in their cars. She leaned in and said "Nikki, why DOES that bother you so much?"
    Great question.
    Fade Out.
    Fade in. I'm a happy productive member of the work force, happily drawing peoples landscape dreams, painting their imaginations with little circles an squiggly lines.
    I pulled into said driveway to do a drawing for somebody that had been a referral, awesome, I love referrals (personal plug here). A dapper middle aged man comes out and we wander through his yard (it was hideous, it was awful, it was a snake pit).
    "I noticed you ONLY have a one series"
    I wanted to sucker punch that bastard.
    Therapy training told me to prioritize and re-evaluate the intensity of the comment.
    "Only? You should of seen what this replaced, buddy" Of course, I'm not very scary when confrontational.
    Only, only? ONLY? Whats the matter with this guy. Do I look like the bloated 7 series type? Do I look like I need to haul around three kids and a large dog?
    The one series in my opinion is the perfect fit for me, but it made me realize three things.
    The one series is a practical car with as much spunk as is really needed in a small car like that. Everybody should own at least ONE spunky thing at a time. Spouses don't count. The spunk of that One has brought me back to years of my life when life was carefree and fun. Life should be as smooth as the shift from Third up in to fourth, of course it isn't.
    The one series, although small can scare the crap out of a slow moving SUV while negotiating the esses on mountain roads. Case in point, flying up through the NC mountains on a random Hookie day from work, the suspension kept me so glued to the road I felt I was almost being lead by the car. Although spirited driving is probably illegal in MOST states, the look of the face on old man in his Grand Cherokee was priceless. Maybe its just because those damn zenons look so intimidating in a rear view mirror...or maybe it was a hot babe in a little car with the windows down.
    The one series, facilitates me to do tons and stops me from doing others (which I probably shouldn't be doing anyways). Fourth of July rolled around and I was all set to load up the trunk with my oversized rolling cooler full of adult beverages, but No Dice. It didn't fit. Talk about a buzz kill, but maybe that's a good thing. It didn't fit in the back seat either (nothing does), and it certainly wasn't going to ride on my lap. So--no oversized rolling cooler transport. Also, in prior cars is was incredibly easy to multitask, you know, pluck eyebrows, drink coffee, write the great american novel while driving. I don't condone any of these things, and not until recently I realized WHY I felt compelled to multitask-I was bored-my old car was boring. The One is exciting, it keeps you alive and focused.
    So, it may only be a One series to you, but to me, its my attempt at growing some thicker skin.
    I quit therapy and took up recreational driving.
    BP Loves people like me
    • Member

    MGarrison

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    Good story, keep 'em coming!

    "Only" have a 1-series.... what kind of comment is that - a dig, insensitively snobbish, or blithely unaware that someone else might perceive it differently than they do? "Oh, Mr. Trump... I noticed you only own 1/3 of Manhattan...is that all ?" Comments like that are all on the utterer, and show something about them, whatever it may be.

    Since you obviously enjoy spirited driving, consider getting yourself to one of the club's driving schools at your nearest racetrack, you'll have a great time, and learn lots that will make your driving of your 1 all that more fun.
    • Member

    sunnyandrich

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    Awesome story! You should write for Roundel...:)

    drummerfc guest

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    Operative question here is why DIDN'T you sucker punch that bastard???

    "ONLY"?? Sheesh...WTF?!?!?! :eek:
    • Member

    thagr81_us

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    Bet he drove a Saab... Just sayin'.
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    Call me tame, or what you will, but I wanted the guy to pay me for services rendered
    AND
    I try to avoid assault and battery charges whenever possible. I've heard they don't let you joyride while in jail. Thy don't take kindly to punchy little blonde girls in the pokey

    drummerfc guest

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    Yeah, understood...shame that dealing with the general public is made so difficult by PEOPLE! :D
    • Member

    thagr81_us

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    People tell me that the color of my car is shitty all the time... I just tell them, "Nice Prius" and keep going about my business.
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    Ha, prius, excellent story there too. I had a guy come up to me and say yeah when I move out and get settled I'm going to get a good job, grow an organic garden and buy a prius... Worst pick up line ever.
    thagr81_us likes this.
    • Member

    thagr81_us

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    You should have checked for his man-card... I'm sure someone already took it.
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    If the "Only A One Series Guy" could have only been a fly on the wall for the "Tards Adventure To The Big City" yesterday, he would have changed his tune. We navigated Friday rush hour traffic, braved Americas Mart, Wove through six lanes of traffic AND only lost it once.

    Hicks from the sticks venture to Atlanta...only to loose the car once...we walked and walked and walked, only to find a drum circle and some gang violence.

    I am so proud of that little car!
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    • Member

    steven s

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    Being a 318ti owner I can relate to the story. The bottom of the BMW pecking order. :)
    I've been told that mine is not a real BMW. <shrug>
    • Member

    shelbyvnt Baby Bee...

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    The best part about driving a BMW is knowing that you're driving it because you want to, not because you have to. I would bet "Mr. Only One", doesn't have one to drive...
    • Member

    steven s

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    It's still a status symbol to many. You ask anyone here and they will know the model. Probably even what motor they have. Ask non-enthusiasts, they have no idea. Don't even know the series.
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    "E46? Is that a new hybrid fuel?"
    "I thought the I stood for international"

    I'm a driver, I wish I were a professional driver of sorts (driving the work truck doesn't count), or at least a motivational speaker for groups of lost young professionals driving anything less than awesome:
    Here is how my seminar would start

    "Ladies and Gentleman, I've invited you to this workshop on how NOT to be like "Mr. One", and of course I would tell the whole awesome story, maybe do coloring books on how to properly select a color that isn't lame and how to properly drive without pissing everyone else on the road off. Oh, and parking school, that would be Nikkis Driving School 201.

    There might be electives too, like, "How to properly execute three point turns WITHOUT using assistance from curbs", "How to properly load a truck to optimize potential size restrictions (the one is bad about that)" and the ladies only course "How to get attention at stoplights"

    Oh, and to clear up any confusion--no, thats not me in the picture above. Although I am under alias, I don't go under disguise too.
    • Member

    wellardmac Ninja World Traveler

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    DOn't sweat it. He was an idiot that sees the world through his own poorly educated eyes and assumes that his needs and aspirations are shored by the rest of the world. Narrow minded and he's the one missing out.
    • Member

    mrsbee

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    Ladies don't sweat anyways! I understand what you are saying though, he'd be the same person that I would scoff at anyways.

    I'll send him the link to my awesome autocross run tomorrow and see if it's still only a one to him.
    • Member

    wellardmac Ninja World Traveler

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    Wow, I really hate the autocorrect on my iPad... gotta switch that off. I've met some pretty sweaty ladies, so I'm not sure I buy your claim. :)

    I hope you post the AX video here. :)
    • Member

    CRKrieger

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    OK; doin' great until right here. 'Anyway' is singular. :D

    Next, I was going to ask for pictures, but seeing the one you already posted, well ... we got enough 'street nerds' here already. :(

    Finally, aside from my Grammar Nazi correction, your stuff is good. Entertaining and intriguing. You really ought to look into a trip to Ohio in September so we can get you right up to speed with all of the BMW CCA 'usual suspects'.

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