I have noticed that in the magazine there are very few articles written by females! Although I really enjoy reading all the shenanigans that the "guys" get into, I'd love to throw some of my car love with a female spin at the eyes of the readers. How do you suppose I'd go about sending a sampling of my "Adventures with the Overtard"?
Have a chat with our assiduous editor Satch and I presume you'd get the low-down. I'm pretty sure bribes won't get you anyplace, but if you want to try, I think he could really use a Flintstones-inspired Grand-Poohbah hat.
The last female to write an epic adventure feature for Roundel had to marry the editor. (Old friends of the EiC who've written for other publications for decades don't count.)
I've been bribed with many things and nine times out of ten they work, now a bribe to marry the editor to get a potentially crap article published doesn't sound as alluring as some of the other bribes offered... at the same time... that's why divorces are legal. After reading this uplifting response, I guess I better get cracking at some new adventures to document...oh wait...responsibility beckons...
Not sure how you can resist the "Satch in the Hat"... but from one Bee to another, I'd tell them to Buzz Off!
MrsBee wrote: "I have noticed that in the magazine there are very few articles written by females!" Care to share a sample with us here?
Just a sample...I have files and files (in my old noggin) of similar anecdotes, keep in mind I am a professional adventurer. The Evolution Of The Little Blonde Girl Gear Head To Hell And Back I'm a girl, there, I got it out of the way, in case there was any confusion, girl parts, girl brain, all that jive; however, not in the typical applying makeup at stop lights and minivan driving sense. I grew up in the garage, my Dad took me under his wing and treated me like a the little girl that could do anything girl OR boy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I had a three story tall Doll House with a fleet of Doll cars to go with, at one time I had more of the Doll cars than I had dolls. I can still remember getting my first remote control doll car, it was everything a little girl dreamed of, a convertible Corvette (I now hate Corvettes,especially the ones that race in ALMS), hot pink in color with ample room for your Doll and one of your Dolls guests (or if you were me, screw putting the doll in there all together and just drive the little plastic wheels off of it. Although the cord that came out the truck that controlled said hot rod Doll car was short, it didn't mean I didn't still chase it around and practice my mad car driving techniques at the ripe age of about seven. And then the science fair, topic "How to make life easier". That little Pink car later got "pimped" (way before that term was ever associated with vehicle alterations or anything non-prostitute related). I remember going to my Dad in the garage with my little Pink Corvette and saying "Dad, we've got to make this car win the science fair, lets cut it up and put a vacuum in it". Keep in mind this was about 1991 and the idea of a remote control Vaccum was still a twinkle in some millionaires eyes. Of course, as always, Dad was super ready to tear stuff up, at later in life I realized--feed that man enough beer and keep him company he could just about build a replica of the Titanic made out of random car parts, which I'm not sure but that might be his current project". Taking that (Doll Car + Child Sized Hand Held Dirt Devil + quite a few AA Batteries)+(a can of Sea Foam Green Spray Paint + Cutting Tools)=winning the Science Fair. Keep in mind this was a tiny Elementary School in middle of nowhere Wisconsin with a total population of 539 people, the average class size was about 28, my competition wasn't exactly fierce...but walking home from school that day with my Prize winning car under my arm, I knew there was something special about me...I wasn't like those "other girls". Let me just set the scene a little more, the only other science fair project I remember vividly was another girl in my class--she had taken a laundry basket and divided it down the middle with a piece of cardboard, on one side was written "Whites" and the other "Colors". What the hell kind of 8 year old girl, kid for that matter, worries about the fact that the laundry isn't separated?!?! There are more important things to worry about, like cars and innovation and well, not house work. She was so proud of her project, her laundry basket. No wonder I was a winner, that just sucked. I was inspired, constantly looking to my Doll cars for mad alterations, I requested that my '57 Chevy Barbie car get racing stripes down the side, I insisted that the back seats get taken out of the Mustang because, even at that age, I knew Mustangs weren't really supposed to have functional seats. I even had this Porsche 911 that I colored in the headlamps because they didn't seem realistic to me, oh, and don't even ask me what I did to the Barbie Minivan I received one Christmas, I think the wrapping paper lasted longer than that thing. I had it in my blood, I won with that science fair and I was determined to win something car related again, and that time finally came very recently. -Enter the Overtard- The "Overtard" in simple terms, 2008 BMW 128, what my significant other refers to as the "baby bimmer", which is kind of a step up seeing as how he used to have a Mini "baby" seems a bit small to describe the grandeur it possesses (to me at least its the biggest and best thing since shoe laces). The "Overtard" won my heart and when the proposal of entering it in the Peachtree Chapter CCA Car Show earlier this year rolled around I got this terrible knot in my stomach. It was almost like I was so enamored with it I couldn't imagine having people gawking at him and poking and prodding and criticizing all of the little things about him that makes him special (yes, the Overtard is a boy). Reluctantly, we entered, and all of a sudden pride swept over me, it was something to be proud of, even in a sea of other cars, sorry, Ultimate Driving Machines, The Overtard still pulled at my heart strings more than anything else in that entire parking lot on that windy WINDY day. There were some absolute gems out there, and well, some dogs as well. Of course, every beauty pageant needs the the girl with "great personality" (that is the girl in me coming out), but it seems the "Overtard" had both personality AND beauty, it had soul, it was meant to be driven not drove, it was meant to be fueled not gassed up, it was meant to turn heads...and of course I only help that scenario especially on warm days with the windows down and my car blowing about...wait...back to the story. Having your car judged for the first time is a feeling that even on my best day I can't really describe, and ask anyone, I have lots of words and I like to use every single one of them. Seeing the judges inside the car churned my stomach like bad Mexican food does--what if they don't like it, what if they seem some blaring ugly that I've just always overlooked, what if there is some weird stain or watermark that I hadn't noticed before. What if they pick on the "Overtard!" Never in my life have I had a maternal instinct, I suppose not having offspring and always having to care for nobody but myself kind of drained it out of me, but all of a sudden I wanted to protect that car with all my might. Judge 1- "Oh this is nasty, gross. You're getting docked points for this" Judge 2- "Somebody doesn't know the proper time of day to wax" Judge 1- "You have that waterspotty paint problem, you should get that fixed" Judge 2- "This is certainly not stock...." --at this point I really wanted a tasty Beer and to just walk away, but stayed around, just so happened that there was another 128 out there in Black, and was in much worse condition than the "Overtard", chatting with the Black 128 guy, he proceeded to tell me that he loves his car and was about ready to punch the judges when they were looking at his. I couldn't take him seriously though, his was an automatic and all I could think was "You're a weenie, drive REAL car why don't you?"-- Judge 1- "Where did this glitter come from? Thats a first." Judge 2- "How does one have so much HAIR in the car, didn't you vacuum it out, you KNEW it was getting judged today didn't you?" At that point, I felt like I just got hit by a high speed missile of sorts, and then, I thought about that Vacuum from the science fair. Where oh where were you then you stupid little vacuum? Guess who went home with a trophy?
Hey Satch! Okay, there's a lot going on here, but with a little judicious editing, I'd give it a Bee+. Seriously, it has to be better than all those letters crying about run flat tires & plastics valve stem caps. How about giving her Car Show Story a shot at one of your Member's Profile Stories in the Letters column? Mrs. Bee, got a hot photo of that 128? BTW, Satch has a soft spot for personalized plates...
The car show part was OK, but when you subject yourself to the opinions of the anal retentive you have to expect colon centric comments. However, the part about the woeful competition in the science fair, was really good. Just my humble opinion. BTW - this weekend is the "classic" car show in my little town. It was striking how small a 68 Camaro and the early Mustangs are to today's offerings. Also, the rear window actually appears to have been for driver visual access in those days.
Hot photo, hot photo...hmmm, they're all pretty tepid. This is my favorite.... I like humble opinions too, in all seriousness my "professionalism in writing" is pretty much limited to, well, Genus Species Cultivar in block letters.
My phone isn't smart. It doesn't even have a camera. My vehicles have clutches which are activated by the left foot. My newest car has this nifty CD player, but I have a few old tapes for the cassette player in the e34. Now, what are these things called SMG and I-Drive? Are they much like that laundry basket divider with the labels??
See? I told you he was assiduous...! Rofl Mrs. Bee, very nice, I enjoyed your tale, and got a real laugh from the above line! On a separate note, there's actually a forum section for stories, but nobody pays any attention to it, and if anyone wants us to see their stories, they have to give a heads up in the forums anyway since the site doesn't generate a notice of a new story. http://www.bmwcca.org/community/stories
